WHY MEN CHEAT: ENTER THE MAN'S MIND

I am going to roughly give you, 26 reasons why men cheat. Below are 26 reasons why men cheat, some men may cheat for more than one of these reasons.

1. The society has given men the license to cheat.
When a man cheats, the woman gets blamed one way or the other. You hear things like, she snatched my husband. The question is, Is this your husband a child that will follow anyone for candy?. He left because he chose to, he cheated because he chose to. When a man cheats, the woman he cheated on is blamed and she's called a whore. Abeg what about the man?. We men have been given the license to cheat knowing the women would be blamed for it and we use our license as we please.

2. He wants to end the relationship.
When a man is tired of his relationship, but can't man up to tell his woman, he results to cheating. what is called an “exit affair". knowing that if you catch him cheating, you’ll definately leave him or kick him out and he could care less.

3. To boost his ego
Infidelity is an ego boost for a man with low self esteem–especially if he’s less successful or earns less money than he thinks he should. Sleeping with other women become an ego booster.

4. Opportunistic sex
He was presented with an opportunity to cheat without the fear of getting caught, so he took advantage of the situation. This is common amongst, men that travel alot or spends a considerable amount of time away from wife and family.

5. He views it as a status symbol.
When the money starts rolling in, we consider it a status symbol to be able to afford a mistress. We view it as one of the trappings of success.

6. Sex addiction
Probably the only reason on this list that can halfway be excused because true sex addiction is a medical condition in which the cheater really can’t help himself. If he’s truly a sex addict, he needs to get professional help. But true sex addiction is not as common as men would have you believe.

7. He Already Knows You
There's something really nice about getting comfortable around each other —guys think so too. But with that familiarity, he loses some of his intense desire. You see! what is mysterious is sexy, and nothing is more
mysterious than the unknown. In this case what is the unknown? What other beautiful women look like when naked, and that is what the mind of the man wonders. So he instinctively put aside his woman for a while due to familiarity, and heads for the unknown (how other beautiful taste like).

8. Influence of drugs or alcohol
A great deal of infidelity (especially one night stands) can be attributed to the influence of drugs or alcohol, which can lower inhibitions, and impair good judgment, resulting in behavior the cheater may later regret.

9. Peer Pressure.
He spends a lot of time in the company of friends and co-workers who cheat. Whe his workmates, or close friends are cheating on their mates, the act is embedded in his subconscious and with time he succumbs to peer pressure and cheats to be part of the crowd. He may later regret but the deed has been done.

10. Poor role models.
If his father, uncles, or other male role models cheated, he may be subconsciously programmed to follow this example, and consider infidelity to be the norm – especially if the female rolemodels in his life tolerated the infidelity.

11. Inability to say no.
In the court of men of the present century, saying no to sex offered with no strings attached, especially from a sexy and attractive woman is a crime, and telling your male friends is the same thing as been hanged. As a man, allowing free no strings attached sex pass by hunts us for a very long time, especially if she is a beautiful woman.

12. Because you let him-
He cheated on you before and you let him get away with it.

13. Emotional dissatisfaction
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: "Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is sex," But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their partners to show them that they're appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they're trying to get things right." The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won't always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. "Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked. In this case, when a man gets a little emotional satisfaction from elsewhere, cheating is inevitable.

14. Because he knows he can get away with it. (Past)
He tried cheating before and she didn’t find out, so he’s confident he can always do it again.

15. He figures you’ll never find out. (Present)
He thinks you’re too stupid, too naïve, too busy, too in love, too trusting to find out, or even suspect that he’s having an affair.

16. To prove his manhood.
Men love to dominate and feel in control, so we instinctly think that the more women we have sex with, the more manly we are so therefore cheating becomes a macho thing to do.

17. He’s a player.
These bunch may never stop, He’s a hardcore cheater for whom cheating is a way of life. He likes having lots of women and pitting one against the other. To him, it’s a game he must play.

18. A Sense Of Entitlement.
Many men feel they’re so rich, famous, handsome, sexy, charming or whatsoever and, that they are too much of a hot cake not to cheat, because of who they are and what they have. This sense of entitlement ( i be hot cake, i must cheat), is common amongst good looking musicians, sportsmen and politicians.

19. He knows you’ll put up with his cheating.
Some men cheat because they know their partner will look the other way - as long as they’re discreet, keep their infidelity low key, and avoid publicly embarrassing them. The act of looking away when cheating occurs is practised mostly by wives of religious leaders, politicians, business tycoons and traditional rulers.

20. You have no where to go.
He knows without him you have nothing especially when you've quit your job and boycotted a lot of things even family and friends just to be with him. So since you depend on him a whole lot, he believes he can do as he pleases. cheating in this case might be inevitable.

21. To participate in certain sex acts.
Some men cheat to fulfill their sexual desires which they have heard, seen and fantasized about for years. Most of the time, these sexual acts which might be really crazy or totally bizzare or both, cannot be performed by their wives or girlfriends. When we eventually find ways to fulfill our desire we somewhat die on top the matter.

22. Love.
Some men cheat because they’re really in love with the other woman. It may have started from friendship or joke, or an innocent friendship that became an emotional affair, which eventually progress to sexual infidelity.

23. He knows you’ll always take him back.
He cheated before and you didn’t hesitate to take him back without making him go through any changes or holding him accountable for his behavior.

24. Revenge.
Though revenge cheating is more with women than with men, sometimes a man will
cheat to get back at a wife or girlfriend who cheated on him.

25. He wants you to be jealous.
Contrary to some beliefs, men as much as women demand love and attention, Some men may feel their woman ain't giving them enough of this, and may result to cheating to prove to her they can be wanted and appreciated by other women.

26. They started as friends but got too close. This basically starts in workplace, regular gatherings (meetings, programs, church services). Its starts safe and simple, with good intentions. Then later grows to full blown relationship. This has been known to generally lead to divorce of the present wife.

Mystery sunday; Top Ten mysterious stories that fascinated us throughout the years

Lady koi koi aka Mrs koikoi
Wearing only one shoe(right leg to be precise), she roams the corridors and hallways of schools, her bloodshot eyes and bloody mouth can make you freeze out of sheer terror. And as her name implies, she is dressed as a lady ready for an outting, possibly a ball room affair. Some say she is looking for the second pair of her shoe while others say she is looking for her ghost husband. The story of the lady with one shoe( lady koi-koi) circulated well in the 90's amongst children in boarding schools, a considerable number of them claimed they've either seen her face to face, while a larger amount claim to have heard the horrifying sounds made from her footstep( koi koi koi) hence the name lady koi-koi. Word also has it that she attacks anyone that sees her roaming on the head with her shoe, others say with her bare hands. The story was so common almost children, they could give convincing details of the much dreaded lady koi-koi. If this ghost lady was real we cant exactly tell but looking into the eyes of the children when they speak about her we see fear and anxiety.

The baby of the bush( bush babies):
They are babies that roam the forest looking like little men and holding mats in their hands. Anyone that can steal this mat and stay indoors for seven days straight without stepping out will be stinkingly wealthy. But be careful not to fall for their piteous cries and step out to return the mat for verily you will your meet your doom. I must confess, the mysteries surrounding the babies of the bush was somewhat the most fascinating because to an extent everyone and anyone that spoke about it, seemed to be saying almost the same thing and it somehow became the truth to most of us. Stories of the bush babies were rampant in the 90's mostly amongst people in the rural areas. But the so called bush babies ain't any of these, it is actually an animal called Galago known for being very vocal and camera shy because only few pictures and videos of it are present compared to most animals, and lest I forget one of the scariest creature you may ever see.

Clifford orji
Hearing that name, you would be expecting a man in suit and tie to emerge but how wrong can you be. Clifford before his arrest in 1999 lived under the bridge at Toyota bus Along apapa-oshodi expressway in Lagos, he had a taste for human flesh which he would roast and then consume. Some say he was a mentally unstable man while others said he was a ritualist pretending to be mad so he can carry out his flesh eating rituals, sure thing was that the name Clifford orji sent chills down our spines. When he was arrested, things found in his possession were most shocking, in his possession were, women underwears, a cheque of 88,000 Naira, bones and of course fresh and roast human flesh. The roast flesh was eaten half way at the point of his apprehension, Clifford was so popular he had his own song which most lagosians know till now, his arrest was widely celebrated by many. in august of 2012, Clifford orji died in prison after 13 years behind bars at the age of 46.

Egg hunt.
They are after your children initiating them into their covens and taking your kids to worlds beyond our world, witches and wizards of the air(sylphs), land and water(marine spirits) have their agents in the schools of your children and none except the ones strong in Christ are safe from them. Witchcraft and sorcery are passed down generations, parent to child and they posses the ability to harness occult forces or evil spirits to produce unnatural effects in the world, but it doesnt just end there they need more members. Stories like this went viral in 1999 courtesy of the movie AFTER SCHOOL HOURS, in the movie, a young witch played by( name withheld ) initiated her fellow school mates into her coven with eggs, yes! boiled eggs. She offers them orphic eggs during break time, which when eaten meant automatic initiation, at exactly 12 midnight she pays them a visit officially inviting their souls to the evil realm. The role was played so well by the young girl so much that, the first thing parents tell their children before school was not to take anything especially eggs from their class mates nor from anyone else, even amongst pupils you dare not collect eggs nor give eggs for any reason whatsoever.

The dissapearing stream.
The stream which is/was located in Nachi community in udi local government area of enugu state first appeared/dissappeared in 1972 and was said to have been discovered by a fulani herdsman. The stories surrounding this body of water are somewhat riveting, some believe in it's healing powers while some don't and may never do. Within the little period the body of water stayed, there were testimonies of healings of various kinds from cripples walking again to cure of various illnesses and diseases, also as it comes with its good so is present its bad, the spring has been reported to have killed at least five people within its short visit. When the word stream is mentioned two things come to mind, its source and direction of flow. The miracle stream as it is so called has no direction of flow nor any visible source, as it mysteriously comes so does it mysteriously goes, so there might be scientific explanations for the appearance and dissapearance of this stream. it could possibly be underground water (spring water) which flows to the surface once in a while, so the mystery body of water is more of a spring than a stream. Spring water in general has been known to, if i may put it, posses healing powers and health benefits, soaking yourself in it for curative purposes was called mineral cure and this brought about the phrase 'taking a cure'. According to Wikipedia, places present with this body of water visited by people for healing purposes are called spa towns. Example of spa towns people visit for healing include;  Bela Bela(South Africa), Araxá(Brazil), Warm Springs(United states), puertecitos(mexico) to name a few.

The missing school girls.
Considered to be the biggest mystery of 2014 by free-thinking Nigerians are the events that went down between 14-15 of April till today concerning the abduction of our girls. the night of 14 April 2014, in the town of chibok borno state, secondary school girls of over 200 were abducted by terrorist but that is not what made these incident mysterious because amongst men, abduction is no new thing.
What made the disappearance of the chibok girls mysterious are the events linked to it:

• The fact that the Nigerian army got four hours notice/warning of the intended abduction, this     speculation was made by amnesty international but was later confirmed by the Nigerian army and the excuse for not taking action was that the forces were overextended and were unable to regroup. Mysterious!

• On the 19-20 of April the military released a statement stating that 100 of the 129 girls have been released which was totally false. Mysterious!
      
• Due to so many fake news and stories no one has been able to say the exact number of girls that were initially abducted. So many numbers have been given out, we don't know what to believe.
       Police--------------276
       Nigerian army------129
       Parents------------234
       Other reports-------329       
       mysterious!
      

• The fact that on the 5 of may 2014, the first lady called for a meeting in which about 80 percent of the people specially invited did not show up even though its a national issue (dissapearance of over 200 Nigeria girls). These people hold knowledge on how the kidnapping went down.
Invited persons include: any two teachers from the school that were on duty, two teachers from waec to verify they conducted the exam and the very first lady of borno state, Hajiyah Nana Shettima to name a few. But none showed up for reasons best known to them. But this is not the bizzare part, the bizzare part been the fact that all what the people of Nigeria could get from that was;

       Chai!
       Principal, nah only you waka come?.
       There is God oh.
       The blood they are sharing in borno.
       There is God oh.
        Mysterious!

 To be continued...............................

HOW TO INCREASE INTIMACY FOR COUPLES

     Warning: these tips are strictly for married couples due to the sacrifices involved to practice them, so   if you are still doing boyfriend and girlfriend, you should use them at your own risk.

COMMUNICATION
When you mention the word intimacy, The word can evoke a kaleidoscope of emotions. From love, excitement, tenderness to longing, anxiety, and disappointment. And so many people will encounter all these emotions and many others in the course of their relationships. Your understanding of yourselves as emotional beings, your thoughts about what constitutes a satisfying emotional connection, and your relationship with your partner are key factors in your ability to develop and maintain a fulfilling relationship.
Many couples find it difficult to talk about intimacy even under the best of circumstances. Feelings of hurt, when sexual problems occur, shame, guilt, and resentment can halt conversation altogether. Because good communication is a cornerstone of a healthy relationship, establishing a dialogue is the first step not only to a closer emotional bond, but also to a better sex life. Everywhere in the world and in Nigeria especially, we have grown to be slightly or overly ashamed of our emotional and intimate wants and needs for fear of being socially crucified by the average thinkers and even our partners.

When a wife demands for a change from the conventional sex position and wants to try other positions, she is an ashawo.
When a couple decides to eat from the same plate in restaurants, they are show offs and been childish.
When a man decides to listen to his wife most of the time based on reasons best known to him, he a woman wrapper.
When a woman wants to spend a whole lot of time with hussy, she's been in too clingy.
When a woman gets to a certain age, the average thinkers are on her neck, and you hear things like; go and find a husband and so many more.

You may not believe, but all these unintelligent talks, thoughts and ideologies shape relationships and marriages in Nigeria. Though a lot of people these days are actually escaping the average thinkers zone and settings standards and goals for their relationships and marriages regardless of what anybody or the average thinkers have to say. Also a lot of people try hard to escape but still fall back to average thinking

Here are some tips to tackling this sensitive issue.

Avoid mediocre ideologies and average thinking.
Your relationship is about you and your partner alone, so forget mediocre relationship advice from the so-called social circle, compulsory cultural patterns, religious brouhaha and small talks from peeps. The foundation of your relationship should be built on the wants and needs of you and your partner which obviously varies from couple to couple. If its npt a crime to man and a sin to God then you are good to go.

Find the right time to talk
There are two types of intimacy conversations: the ones you have in the bedroom and the ones you have elsewhere. It’s perfectly appropriate to tell your partner what feels good in the middle of lovemaking, but it’s best to wait until you’re in a more neutral setting to discuss negative issues, such as mismatched sexual desire, orgasm troubles e.t.c

Try to Avoid criticizing
Make suggestions in positive terms, such as, "I really love it when you touch my hair lightly that way," rather than focusing on the negatives, approach a sexual issue as a problem to be solved together rather than an exercise in passing blame. Instead of criticizing, lead your partner down a path By making your statements suggestive. You play so much with my nipples before sex, I love it is the first time to the first time  OR When you play in between my thighs, it drives me crazy please don't stop doing it. When you start like this, it increases the urge to communicate more. Then you can Slowly chip in the negative later on if there is any.

Confide in your partner about changes in your body
Men can be clueless about changes that occur in women. Enlighten him! hot flashes are keeping you up at night or menopause has made your vagina dry, talk to your partner about these things. It’s much better that he knows what’s really going on so he wouldn't interpret these changes as lack of interest. Likewise, if you’re a man and you no longer get an erection just from the thought of sex and you need more to get junior ready for action, show your partner how to stimulate you rather than let her believe she isn’t beautiful and attractive enough to arouse you anymore.

Always Be honest
You may think you’re protecting your partner’s feelings by faking an orgasm and pretending to enjoy sex, but in reality you’re starting down a slippery slope. Think of what will happen to you in the long run. As challenging as it is to talk about any sexual problem, the difficulty level skyrockets once the issue is buried under years of lies, hurt, and resentment. Learn to be honest and with the tips mentioned above, you can bring out issues and tackle it without any party feeling bad.

Make your sex fun
Even in the best relationship, sex can become quite boring after a couple of years. With a little bit of imagination, you can rekindle the spark. Share those naughty taught with each other. By saying them, you increase urge for sex and also state your wants to your partner so he/she can resonate with you on that level. Baby! please wear that very short skirt while cooking and cleaning it turns me on. Sex in marriage is not only about getting down to business proper........environment, music, weather, type of clothe, food and many more contribute to good sex. Learn how to manipulate your environment and the things present in it and you will be all your partner wants to have for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Be adventurous
In Nigeria, most couples think you should only have sex in the bedroom. every other place is a sin and an abomination. Seriously? This is the first step to kill your sexual life with your partner. Maybe you’ve never had sex on the living room floor or in the bathroom or book an hotel room for yourselves just to explore your bodies; now might be the time to try it.

Be sensual
Create an environment for lovemaking that appeals to all your senses. Concentrate on the feel of your partner's body against your skin, the cool music in the background( if you don't have a music player in your room, please install one. E no cost, and if this doesn't work as i have said, email me i will pay for the money wasted). the perfumed scent of flowers around the room and the taste of ripe, juicy fruit( try fruits like berries, bananas,). Use this heightened sensual awareness when making love to your partner. I will teach you how to use these fruits in the next article ( sex tips! the real deal)

Be playful
Leave love notes in your partner’s pocket for him or her to find later. Take a bath together—the warm cozy feeling you have when you get out of the tub can be a great lead-in to sex. Tickle her, Laugh, play like kids, joke in the bedroom and outside, hold hand like teenagers, eat from the same plate in restaurants( oboy things to do plenty no be small).

Be creative
Expand your sexual repertoire and vary your scripts. if you’re used to making love on in a certain way and place, try something different. For those that have good voices, you can try singing to her even write a song. Experiment with new positions and activities. Try sexy lingerie and dancing or if you never have before.

Be romantic
Read poetry to each other under a tree or in a garden Surprise your partner with gifts( men love gifts too as much as women) when it isn’t a special occasion. Plan a day when all you do is lie in bed, talk, and be intimate. The most important tool you have at your disposal is your attitude about sexuality. Armed with good information and a positive outlook, you should be able to maintain a healthy sex life for many years to come.

Yes! All these and more should you do to increase your intimacy level. Increase your connection with your partner and make your marriage work. Most partners have never learnt how to communicate as couples, without this skill, a person is handicapped in an intimate relationship. Without being able to express themselves and listen to another, partners cannot achieve intimacy. By developing your communication skills, you and your partner will be able to establish and preserve a loving, respectful relationship between two people who love each other.
          Women! Do not think these writeup is only for men only. be spontaneous and start doing some or all of these things. Initiate the ideas, be sexy and sensual and he will crave for you. Do not allow the numerous numbers of mistresses lurking around to do it for you.
     

The next post will on kworkirikwo proper( whatever that means).you want to know? Join me next time.

MY HUSBAND RAPES ME

Hello ringworm, I stumbled unto your blog from Linda ikeji's and I realized its about relationship and marriage and that made me quite happy. I have a problem was too ashamed to talk to my friends and family about, please I need your advice I don't know what to make of this anymore. I got married July of 2012, it was really nice and rosy for a while because we spent all the time together and had sex all the time, we even lie that we are sick so we would not go to work. I really loved the attention and sex at first because I thought it was sheer love, but now its only sex he talks about any other topic irritates him even when I ask what he wants to eat he doesn't respond well but when he wants sex he starts talking to me. He leaves work and comes home for sex and then go back again, he sometimes want us to rush home even before end of church service just for sex. Recently I started refusing him sex because we most times have sex when am dry and even exhausted from work. Things have gotten worse since then because he has started forcing me, he pins me down and even hits me just for him to satisfy his sexual wants and when his done he will cry and beg telling me he is sorry and I should not tell anyone, this is my own husband. I have been silently looking for help online because I have not been able to tell anyone until 3 weeks ago, he was really sick and was in the hospital, he was so weak that the doctor said he should be admitted. When I went to visit him, he told the nurse he wants to be alone with his wife so when she left, when we were alone he asked me to perform fellatio, I couldn't believe what was going on I ran from the hospital to his mother's house to tell her everything but her response was as if she knew already, all she told me was to calm down and things will be fine. Please I need advice help not for only me but my husband, Please I beg of you and your readers help me out.

Is your child been sexually molested?. How sure are you?

This research article was done because of the alarming number of adults that admitted they were sexually abused during childhood in Nigeria, its like every adult has a story to tell. There is a big question, and the big question is; since our parents didn't know most of us were sexually abused is there a possibility that our innocent kids are experiencing such evil too?. The worst part is that child sexual abuse can go on for years undetected by anyone even parents. We as parents need to understand healthy sexual development and behaviours in children, because it helps to know when there is a problem such as an abuse.

What is child sexual abuse in the first place?.
What are the effects of child sexual abuse on my child/children?.
What are the signs that my child/children is been sexually abused?.
What are the red flags to look out for in child sexual abuse?.
What are the actions to take to prevent my child from been abused?
What should I do if realize my child has/is been sexually abused?.

WHAT IS CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE?
When child sexual abuse is mentioned in Nigeria, people always think of the female child, there must be a considerable amount of penetration and there must be a physical sign. Contrary to this belief, both male as much as female children are sexually abused and it doesn't really have to involve penetration neither must there be a physical sign.

Child abuse according to MEDEM is "any sexual act with a child performed by an adult or an older child". Child sexual abuse could include a number of acts, including but not limited to;

Sexual touching of any part of the body, clothed or unclothed;
Penetrative sex, including penetration of the mouth;
Encourage a child to engage in sexual activity, including masturbation;
Intentionally engaging in sexual activity in front of a child;
Showing children pornography, or using children to create pornography;
Encouraging a child to engage in prostitution?.

WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS OF CHILD SEXUAL MOLESTATION?
The effects are numerous and will vary in different children, we sometimes misinterpret these effects that the child is been disobedient and insolent meanwhile they are just totally traumatized, Also because effects always extends far beyond childhood.

Here are the effects;

          • Children may lose skills they once learned and act younger than they actually are. For example, an abused child might start wetting the bed or sucking his or her thumb.
          • Sexual abuses creates loss of trust, feelings of guilt and self-abusive behavior.

          • If the abuser is of same sex as the abused child, this may change the natural sexual orientation of the child. For example the child  may think he/ She is gay and start developing sexual attraction later on for the same sex.
          • Poor body image and low self-esteem.
          • Leads to difficulty with intimate relationships later in life.
          • Sexual anxiety and disorders, including having too many or unsafe sexual partners.
          • Difficulty setting safe limits with others (e.g. saying no to people) and relationship problems.
          • Anxiety disorders.
          • Depression.
          • Eating disorder
          • Unhealthy behaviors, such as alcohol, drugs, self-harm.

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS THAT MY CHILD HAS OR IS BEEN SEXUAL MOLESTED?
It is quite hard to detect if a child has been sexually molested because, the signs may not be physical, the act is done in secret and the molester may threaten to hurt or promise goody just for the child to be silent, some children may be too young to communicate to the parents what exactly is going on. On the other hand some children feel its their fault they are been molested, and they did something wrong thus molestation is their punishment while others enjoy the act, attention, care and gifts given to them by the molester. All this come together to make sexual abuse in children hard to detect.

Here are the common signs that a child is been molested;

           • Tries to talk about adult sexual issues with you or other people (they may be too young to communicate the issue); so take note.
           • Uses sexual languages inappropriate With their age.
           • Sudden withdrawal from people, friends and usual activities the child use to enjoy.

           • Sudden Changes in behavior which includes aggression, anger, hostility or hyperactivity.
           • Pain, discoloration, bleeding or discharges from genitals, anus or mouth.
           • Acting out in sexual ways with toys or objects friends and family not appropriate with his/her age.
           • Physical signs, such as, unexplained soreness or bruises around mouth or genitals.
           • Sudden loss of self-confidence.
          •Avoidance of certain situations, such as; been alone with a certain adult, going to school or coming back whichever the case may be.
           • New adult words for body parts and no obvious source.

           • Often posses money,gifts, toys, food (chocolates and sweets) from an unknown.

           • Presence of blood in child's underwear.

           • Injuries that don't match given explanation.

           • Becomes unusually secretive

          

The presence of any of these signs doesn't necessarily mean that a child is or has been abused but once you notice one or some of these signs, please start asking questions. if you notice a particular child in your child's clique of friends, creche, school or class exhibiting one or some of these red flags, please start asking questions because if the molester can molest a child in your child's play group, how long before he/she will turn to your child?. Also if you notice a certain pattern, maybe - you noticed children that attend your child's, or any summer program, school, daycare or creche.usually show signs of child sexual molestation, start asking questions.

WHAT ARE THE RED FLAGS I SHOULD LOOK OUT FOR IN CHILD MOLESTERS?
In Nigeria, child sexual molestation is under reported especially that of the male child because molestation done by women are sometimes not recognized as abuse. The girl child is more sexually molested compared to the boy child in Nigeria and anywhere in the world, also 9 out of 10 children know their abuser. Molesters normally fall between these category -a relative (whether male or female), family friend( male or female) or persons in a position of trust ( teachers, nannies, caretakers, neighbours), only a few percentage of molestation cases are from strangers.

Molesters exhibits some or all of these characters;

        • views children pornography online or elsewhere.

        • Spend most of their spare time with children and have little or no interest spending time with people their own age.
        • Always taking young children to secret places or hideouts.
        • Insist on physical affection such as kissing, hugging when the child clearly doesn't want it.
        • Intentionally and frequently walk in on children/teenagers in the bathroom/toilet.
        • Buys children expensive gifts or give them money for no apparent reason.
        • Insist on time alone with a child with no interruptions.
        • Shows too much interest in a child sexual development.
        • Enjoys fondling with a child's genitals especially those of babies.
        • Seeks out the company of younger children and spends an unusual amount of time in their company.

        • Exposes sexual materials to children.

WHAT ARE THE ACTIONS TO TAKE TO PREVENT MY CHILD FROM BEEN?
the way you as a parent view the body and dressing of your child is different from the way a paedophile or child molester would. when shopping for a child, words like "sexy" shouldn't come to mind at least for these little period he/she would be a child. rather you should go for cute, decent, classy e.t.c type of clothe. i shouldn't be even writing this but the way some parents dress their innocent kids these days, beats me. read on

         • Build an open and trusting relationship with your child, so he/she feels they can talk to you about       anything and everything.
         • Make your child know that its normal and okay to say to touches that make them uncomfortable or if someone is touching them in ways that make them uncomfortable and that they should Tell you or your better half.
         • Teach your child how to use the internet safely and also provide appropriate supervision for the internet, television and films. chat sites such as badoo, 2go, Facebook e.t.c should be monitored because I carried out a research directly from these sites, you won't believe what kids do on these sites. (Story for another day).
         • Don't leave your child alone with anyone you aren't sure about
         • Make you don't ask your child about an abuse in front of the person you may be suspecting
         • Teach your child/children about their privates and that their privates, remain private. Tell your child/children that if someone tries to touch those private areas, wants to look at them, OR if someone tries to show the child their own private parts, they should tell you as soon as possible.
         • Sexual abuse may feel good to the child sometimes, so asking your child if someone is hurting them may not get the information that you are looking for.
         • Let your child know that they will not be in trouble if they tell you about inappropriate touching.

         • Teach your child self respect and to respect others , this is especially important for girls to develop healthy relationships with boys.

WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SUSPECT MY CHILD HAS BEEN SEXUALLY MOLESTED?
Parents dont get much advice on how to talk to their children if they are concerned that sexual abuse is occurring and finding out that your child has been sexually molested is the one of the worst things to happen to a parent, but when you suspect an abuse, you should take some or all of these actions.

         • Talk to your child directly.
         • Pick your time and place carefully!
         • Have the conversation somewhere that your child feels comfortable.
         • Make sure that your child knows that they are not in trouble, and that you are simply trying to gather more information.
         • Build a trusting relationship with your child.
         • Let your child know that it is okay to come to you if someone is making them uncomfortable
         • Talk with your child about secrets because abusers may tell the children that sexual abuse is a secret just between them and may ask  the child to promise to keep it secret. When you talk to your child, talk about times that its okay not to keep a secret, even if they made a promise.
         • Follow up on things that made you concerned. If there was something your child said or did that made you concerned, ask about that.
         • As you talk to your child about sexual abuse, remember to focus on creating a safe place for your child, even if they don tell you about   sexual abuse at the time of the conversation, you are laying a foundation for future conversations.
         • Ask your questions in a nonjudgmental way, and take care to avoid shaming your child as you ask questions.
         • Be sure to follow up on any promises you make :if you tell your child that they can talk to you, be sure to make time for them when they do come to you.
         • Make sure to follow through on this if your child does tell you about inappropriate touching! Try not to react with anger towards the child.
         • If sexual molestation has occurred report to the nearest police station.

Children are getting involved in sexual activities everyday these days, and will continue. Not because they were poorly trained but because they've been shown it, heard it, and probably is practicing or have practiced with an adult or a child older than them. These pattern will continue because we do not understand that child sexual molestation goes way beyond the physical signs e.g blood in underwear, we also need to know the emotional signs and healthy sexual development of our children.

posted from Bloggeroid

How to eliminate the mistress(secret weapon)

The mistresses in Nigeria are in a league of their own compared to other parts of the world where the mistresses mostly could care less about taking the place of the wife, about 80 percent of the Nigerian mistresses wouldnt mind destroying the marriage and taking the place of the present wife. From celebrities, politicians,top executives, tycoons, to the not so rich and famous husbands, their mistresses want to someday be called wives and are willing to settle with the man or any of the men they are committing adultery with.
Most wives ask me and anyone else the following questions;
My husband has a mistress how do I eliminate her?.
My husband's mistress is tearing my marriage apart, how do I destroy her?.
My husband and his mistress are spending more time together how do I get rid of her?.

Here are tips to 'destroying' the mistress

Know the problem.
Wives have to realise that the mistress is not the problem. If you succeed in eliminating this mistress, then get ready to eliminate another, and another and yet another. If your husband cheats it’s not the fault of the woman/women he cheats with, they're not your problem.,Your husband and his lack of fidelity, that’s your problem. The mistress didn't take you to the altar, your husband did. The mistress didnt promise to love you for better and for worse, your husband did. Most women focus their energy on the mistress which is wrong, since your husband's infidelity lives on, he will still go back to her or another. Read on

Never confront the mistress.
A lot of people think threatening or confronting the mistress is a good option. As a man, I will clearly tell you: that you've wasted your time, Belittled yourself and have lost considerable ground to your cause. This wrong move(confrontation), will make her feel she has power over you, your husband, and your marriage and now more than ever she will do more to keep him. Secondly, youve just made them( your husband and his mistress) smarter in their dealings. they will now be more discreet and plan every meeting carefully. What is the essence of threatening a mistress when your husband will still go back to her or another when he is ready?. forget the mistress, focus on the main problem(stated above) and focus on the power you have that she will never have, which is: you and your husband have become one at the altar, signed and sealed by God, Nothing beats that.

Become the mistress.
Years of routine, imposed tasks and obligations, fights, quarrels and disagreememts, can make marriage grow cold. Though these affects both partners, its more likely for the man to result to cheating than the woman, this is probably where the mistress comes in. What a wife is to do here is to exclusively seduce her man back to her arms. When the word seduction is mentioned most people think purely about sex, fa fa fa foul. Sex is only the last thing that may occur after the seduction phase is complete.

Learn to lure hussy away from the routine of the world of work, politics and responsibility and get him to spend time in your feminine world-a world of luxury, spectacle, and pleasure, you should be his escape from the world. never be forceful or direct or let him see through your actions; instead, use pleasure as bait, playing on his emotions, stirring desire and slight confusion, which will induce psychological surrender. put on his favourite club jersey in a sexy fashion during match day, and adorn the room with your presence. By showing only glimpses of flesh, you would tease his imagination, stimulating the desire to own his club goddess (you).
Men love to chase and conquer, Once we've conquered thats it. according to Charlie boy its called the 'see finish syndrome' a case in which he can see through you and there is nothing mysterious anymore. Make your clothes, gestures, movement and demeanor suggestive never direct, making him exhaust his brain power trying to figure out what is going on. Perform house chores in sexy but classy clothes, creating scenes where he would have no choice but to notice your glorious presence( please do this effortlessly without allowing him know what your doing).

In the heat of passion, mention his greatest or lustful desires topicalising yourself. e.g if he wants to be the GM, CEO, OGA or any of his desires, remember to mention it in your seduction. Let's say he wants to be a GM, Tell him how you want to be the baby of a GM, how romantic it will be tasting the lips of a GM and having a GM's hands run over your body. This will fuse you with his desire for power and success. Anytime he thinks of growth and success be it financially, socially, spiritually or any -ally you know, he will think of you and no one else nor his mistress even if she is fresh from the marine world, because you have fused yourself in all these through your seductive words, actions and great timing.
I took considerable time trying to discover the power of the mistress over married men and i realised one important thing ;the mistress has entirely no power. It is actually the mind of the man that heightens her countenance. It is never about the mistress but the instinct of a man to lust after a woman and chase her down, it is all in the mind of the man That is to say there is nothing special about his mistress she's just another woman a cheating man would want.
Learn to be seductive and change the tables. While the mistress will be predictable and obvious, she will be available anytime he wants and do whatever he ask so long as he is taking care of her (paying). You on the other hand will be a spectacle for desire,power and success. A break from the norms of his life, a puzzle he's mind wants to fix, something he's manly instincts wants to chase down and conquer, a mystery moving too fast and most importantly his lawfully wedded wife. Do not go overboard in giving him yourself all the time, after a session of seduction, strategically create absence. then like thunder, storm his eyes and mind again with another seduction session, Take him out on a romantic date and wow him with your dress, let it be highly sexy but remain classy.
Seduction is a fun and lovely investment because when you start reaping your dividends  people will ask you, wetin in you give your husband chop?, You know your man, his lustful desires, wants and needs so there are millions of things you can do to seduce his heart and mind back to you. Take control and stop been a mediocre, we only live once. All this sound like hardwork? If you love him, you will do all these and even more.
               
Pray
In whatever you do, do pray. That's all!


If i was to talk about seduction, it will take me more than a year to finish. The above stated actions is only a glimpse of all the things you can do eliminate the mistress.